Yep.

I want to take a photography class. But in the meantime I will just take lots and lots of pictures. Here are some from this past week.

I want to (be)

..an educated, engaged, and informed Christian. I want to understand what I say I believe, stand by it, and live by it.
..loving and less judgemental. slower to speak and quicker to listen. authentic and transparent.
..a rockin wife. supportive. uplifting. caring. kind. a good communicator.
..the best mom I can be. understanding. gentle. teacher. positive. speak life. soft spoken. teach my boys to respect themselves and others, to never give up and always have hope.
..in shape. to love my sneakers. to run this 5k.
..to understand my camera like the back of my hand. to take amazing photos of my family and friends. i want to see a photo i've taken and remember being there, what i was thinking, what it smelled like- you get the idea.
..to take risks and not be intimidated by failure or rejection.
..to worry less and live in the moment more.
..involved and influential in my community.

Rain, Rain Go Away.

So, I don't mind rain here and there but seriously. I think it has rained 5 days out of every week for the past like three months or something. Rob is the only person that I know that prefers a rainy day to a sunny day. Unless of course it's interfering with something like golf- and he'll still do that in the rain.

Anyway- this is Braden lying on the dining room floor this morning. He was being silly but I found it extra funny because it was precisely what I felt like doing...just lying on the floor somewhere.

Thankfully, the day wasn't horrible. I managed to sneek a wonderfully cozy nap on the couch with Carter and ended the day with a sinfully good Strawberry shake. Yum.

Amazing.

I guess I will get all mommyish and sappy on you. My littlest man, Carter, is 3 months today! I cannot believe it, really. I was driving in the car tonight- just me and Cart- and I thought I heard some rattling in the back. I turned down the music and heard it again...at the next red light I looked behind me to see Carter swatting at the toys hanging from his carseat!
I have to just tell you that truly, he is just amazing. He is the most content little guy ever. From the very beginning I have really thought that Carter was God's way of letting me know that He hadn't forgotten me. Even though I had a crazy labor (that I will never, ever forget and was probably the reason that Rob is SO certain we won't have any more babies!) and he entered the world at a very hectic, kind of stressful, not where I had originally thought, weird kind of time- he has brought me this sweet peace. And really, just look at that face and cute dimple and how can you not smile?
On days where I feel crappy because things aren't always like I'd like them or I'm whining about what I don't have or what I want- I remind myself what I DO have. And that is a fabulous and healthy little family and I am ever grateful.
I know I'm bias but I have great little boys. I hope that are dearest and closest friends will have the chance to share some time with them.

Maybe I burned off a sip of soda??

Well hopefully this all comes together and make some sort of sense at the end. Even if it doesn't I am downloading all of my crazy thoughts so that perhaps I can sleep soundly tonight- until of course, Carter wakes up to eat...

Seriously, just many random thoughts. I'll begin with- I had a nice weekend. I enjoyed most all of it. I spent some nice time with my guys, had some family time. Today was particularly nice- I actually had the chance to have a conversation with Rob. Grant it, I skipped a much needed nap but it was worth it. Did I mention that this evening Braden and Joce decided to run around the backyard without diapers and Braden couldn't resist the urge to squat and poop in the yard?? I didn't even look and thankfully Rob was around to do the clean up. Therefore I kind of chuckled and managed not to get annoyed. I guess in the end it's kind of funny. Or maybe funnier that my mom wasn't satisfied with simply hosing down the area, she busted out the Mr. Clean.... if you know my mom, it didn't matter that it was outside and that she probably has animals pooping in her yard all the time.

Then there's the guilt. Seriously. I'm not sure that there's one more thing I could manage to feel guilty about. Is it a mom thing? It's something like this- I'm tired all of the time, I should get to bed earlier but the evening is the only time that I really have to do MY things (whatever that means!) so I go to bed late, then in the morning i'm tired and feel guilty that i'm tired and short with Braden. So I pull myself together so I can have some good, memorable times with Braden while in the back of my head I'm praying that naptime comes quickly. Ahh but how terrible, so i feel guilty. And of course I feel bad because I think Braden feels bad because he is no longer the only child. I'm the one of course that brought this new addition into the world and he's so little and doesn't understand that one day he'll truly love his brother and appreciate the fact that I went through terrible labor to make sure that Braden had a best brother- i'm tired just thinking about it! Oh but wait, geez louise is that Carter crying? Gosh, I forgot that he was downstairs in the pack and play sleeping soundly but is probably hungry! Oh thank God, it's naptime. It would feel so good to take a nap but I should go over the bills, straighten up, AND of course...excercise because afterall this baby weight is not going to just disappear. But I nap because even after three cups of coffee I can't keep my eyes open. But oh the guilt..... anyone, anyone does this happen to you? It must :)

Oh and yes I am tired tonight. But I decided to take a weak approach at a workout after Rob suggested I go for a run (I couldn't muster up the energy to be annoyed or accuse him of calling me fat. I decided to smile and pull my sneakers on and be glad that he was encouraging me to do something that I did decide I wanted to do, sigh). But after pretty much forcing myself to walk on the treadmill- I was still tired, but now I was sweaty and tired and annoyed that I only walked. But I guess it's better than nothing...maybe I burned off a sip of soda.

:)

And so it begins

Well, after a couple of days of deliberation I finally decided to go agead with the blog... I'm sure for most this would not be such a difficult decision but I felt like I needed to think it through because it was in a sense committing me. Yea, yea I know.

But the determining factor ended up being my boys. These days, every day just flies by. Braden is already 2 1/2 and quite the little man. And Carter, well geez, he's about to be 3 months. It seems like yesterday that I was pregnant and agonizing the day that he would come! I decided that I could not afford to forget the little moments that make my everydays so crazy, hectic, hair pulling, hilarious, sweet, and well- you get the idea. When my boys are grown I will want to remember (I think at least!) how Braden has demanded oatmeal every morning for the past four months, that he has taken up yelling for me when he is awake and wants to get out of bed, that he loves when I tell him he tastes like Chicken and eat him up for minutes at a time, that he has a taken a strong liking to Hangurbers AND all of those other things that I don't stop to think about on a regular basis. I certainly don't want to forget how Carter is already getting so big- he coos and smiles and loves to just check people out. He is (so far) so mellow and delicious :)

And well- we also happen to be at a very interesting, perhaps pivitol, point in our lives (at least I think so). I won't bore you with all of the details now; I'm sure you'll get to experience some of the craziness along the way. But someday when I write a book about my life I will probably be thankful that I recorded things along the way!

So, I officially begin my blogging life. We'll see how this goes!